The Scars from Tomorrow
by mangacrack
Summary: "I see the future and it's a catastrophe," is what Nàmo would say. But no asks him anyway, so he doesn't volunteer.
1. First In Mind

For Námo the creation of Arda begann different than for the rest of his brethren. He kept to himself in silence for the longest time, never one to seek the attention of others. Only Vairë enjoyed his company, since she wished to work undisturbed. She hated commentary, when she was working.

Námo saw the events unfold, without the actors realizing he was watching. Among it the disturbance Melkor was causing. Curiosity turned into concern and unlike many others, who were eager to bring forward their opinion on it, Námo merely watched. Perhaps later he wished, he had not.

For when the theme rose, a chord struck his being. It hurt, but the Music continued. None of the Ainur noticed their brother writhing in pain. While they enjoyed the creation of Eä, Námo felt life move within himself.

Námo's attention wavered from the Great Music to the life inside of him - thousands of voices demanded attention in the back of his head. It caused him unimaginable pain for Eru rose in his miment and as his servant, Námo suffered internal anguish, simply by not paying attention. The Song was everything and literaly _nothing_ should should be considered important of notice.

Therefore it was neceassary for Námo to keep quiet. Until not it had been a preference, not a requirement. But another chorus cut into his soul. Not Eru and the Ainur.

It was Life.  
The Children.

They were talking to him and Námo fought against the the urge to open his mouth. Eä just came into being and the childrens voices were stronger than the young world.

Námo knew the sound Arda and the Children meeting now, would be worse than any song than had ever left Melkor's mouth.

Námo _knew_, he _saw_ that it would not be described as music.

There were simply many voices unaware of each other, trying to awake on their own. The disharmony would shatter the world Eru was creating, possibly even the Ainur in the same strike.

So for the shake of peace and out of respect for for Theme, Námo endured the power within him. It circled inside his body, searching for an outlet, but Námo spoke not. Instead he cradled the children closer to him and learned that could be something more important than Eru Ilúvater.

It would take Ages and Agony on his part to name the feeling love.


	2. Liveline

When the Great Music ebbed away, many Ainur and Vala feeled sadness – if they were truly capable of the emotion. Námo only dared to let out a sigh of relief. A strange sensation shifted his being. The voices of the children had fallen silent, but they still rested at their prior place.

Trembling Námo noticed, he could not endure to stand any longer. He started to retreat, not knowing how to describe or deal with the sensation that agitated him. But he was not alone with the feeling he would later know as pain, because Vairë heared him weeping tears and saw his fëa shaken, when she approached him.

Worried she sunk down next to him.

"Námo? What happened?"

She asked in apprehension, for she had never seen such a state before. Carefully Vairë touched Námo's head, searching for his face and found his dark black hair grown to an abnormal length. She had playfully applied her weaving to it before, braiding it. Now it covered his body, falling into vast space and Vairë saw no end to it.

Vairë, she heard Námo speak to her privately. When he lifted his head, hair parted to give away his cold ashen face. _I don't … I don't feel … well?_

Shocked with what she saw (suffering it was, but she knew not the name) when Námo's mind touched hers, Vairë rushed to Eru.

"Father," she said, interrupting an audience of serveral Ainur. "Father, hurry. You must come with me."

Vairë stopped not at grapping Ilúvater's hand to drag him with her. Thankfully such action remained without comment from Eru. He saw her worry and wondered at it. He was wise and knew the music, but the absyss was great and even he could not entirely predict its content. The Ainur had been created from himself, but their toughts were their own and some of them vanished into the vast spaces, as soon as he created them, never to be seen or heard from again.

"Vairë", he said. "What is the reason for your disturbance?"

Not raising her voice, Vairë pointed at Námo, who's state had not improved. He was entirely silent, his hands pressed against his head and only Eru Ilúvater's arrival prompted a reaction from him.

Pale eyes met with Eru's gaze end even threatened to pierce his mind. In this instant Ilúvater knew his intention to be surprised by newly created children, had already begun. Also Eru felt the reason settle, why Námo's name always resounded as _The Judge_ in his mind. But his own degree not to be informed about his children's life and fate, prevented him from gaining access to it.

"I have yet to hear you sing, Námo," said Eru and apporached what he thought to be the issue. "Your voice was silent during entire time. Will you not deliver your hymn to me?"

His presence gave Námo the strength to straighten up, but he still shook his head and the black hair moved with him like a living being. Still, the mouth remained closed.

Yet Námo's thoughts found their way into Eru's and Vairë's mind.

_I will not sing_ , Námo declared. _Not for a long time. Others may hear my song, but you Eru Ilúvater, shall be the last. _

Silence streched between them and only Námo seemed content with it. Vairë took his arm and started to unknot the grown hair, in hope she didn't have to fill the void with words.

"Truly The Judge should not use words, if they are unnecessary," Eru said and accepted Námo's rule.

After he had spoken, he looked to Námo first than to Vairë. "We shall meet again."

When he turned around, Námo uttered word only Varië was able to hear: "Yes, but only once."

* * *

**A.N:** At this point I would like add that I can't characterize Eru same way the Christian god is usually seen: omniscient and infallible. He also didn't create the entire universe, he created the Ainur from himself and Arda from the stuff he found laying around. It's still _his_ idea, but the events in Arda are not under his governance. Eru is not influencing or controlling the dream bubble he created, filled with things that are an extension of him. In my eyes he is a spectator.


End file.
